I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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