But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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