I want to have your abortion
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
