I cannot find my penis.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
