I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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