I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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