I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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