I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
