You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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