Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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