I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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