sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
