there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize