I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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