he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What drink are we having for lunch?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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