Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
