there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you would pick up someone in the library
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize