i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
