You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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