He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
