Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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