trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize