8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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