I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
