I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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