Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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