Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
