I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
