It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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