Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there's paper in my vomit.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
