Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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