This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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