so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
