it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
