I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
