my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize