I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
