my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
