I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My life is pants optional.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
