You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
