your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize