he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
