He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
