How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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