he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
