how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
