The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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