hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
