my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
