he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
