guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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