Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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