Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
