I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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