Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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