My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
