That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
