.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize