Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
