drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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