i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
