im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
