my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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