This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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