im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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