also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
