What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
