Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
