Your face is a jimmy john
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
