it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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