i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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