member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
