Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
