he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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