he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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