may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
