Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
