found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
is wine microwaveable?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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