He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
