Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
