new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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