I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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