i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
