it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
