i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
