I think my fart just growled at me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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