The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
