if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
