You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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