Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You pole danced in your parka.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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