you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
