So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize