Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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