he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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