you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
