just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
