Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
