After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
