so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone came in the potted fern
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
