Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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