I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize