How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
