two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
