So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
