listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize