2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
