never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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